Sorrow, Love and Life.

In the last couple of days, I've been thinking a lot about the up coming SS4 (Super Show 4) concerts to be held in different countries through out the world.  I am still praying that they do come to the Philippines but yesterday a friend of mine told me about a post made by the organizer which led everybody to thinking that the concert might not be possible.  It shook me and made me go mad.  It may seem petty for the rest of the world who does not know what I feel or those who feel the same way I do.  I want to watch them in concert desperately.  Why?  1. It may be their last one. 2. Despite my short fandom, I've fallen in love with each and every member of the group.  Not a romantic kind of love but more of a brotherly-sisterly love.  They are my Oppas.  I don't know how many times I will be repeating this but it is not a form of apology, rather, a form of making people understand that the kind of love WE as fans have for our "idols" should not be frowned, laughed or judged upon.  Because the kind of love we have is the kind of love some, if not most of the world can't even devote to their husbands or wives or their family.  I've begun to realize that the fans have the purest form of love there is.  I'm not saying it as a fan but as an observer.  I've noticed how the members of Super Junior acknowledge their fans as if we were the ones who made them.  But when you think about it, they wouldn't be where they are without their fans.  The way the members show their gratitude is as pure as the love the fans give.  There's nothing more beautiful in this world but that kind of love.  I could actually go on and on about this but there is something else I want to share.  It has only been a little over a month since I got into this.  One month and eighteen days to be exact.  But it seems like I've loved them all my life.  At the same time I have a lot of regret when I didn't even give them the chance when I had an opportunity to love them from the start.  I wish I could turn back time and had been with them through all their hardships and I would truly feel like an authentic fan.  My best friend, Jen, told me that it doesn't matter how long I've loved them but what's more important is how much I love them.  It's true but I still feel a lot of regret.  In some ways I feel like how Kyu Hyun felt when he first joined the group.  Super Junior had already debuted when he was added in.  He felt like he didn't deserve to cry with the group when they received their first #1 song.  He held back tears because in his mind he thought, "What did I do to deserve crying with them?".  That's exactly how I feel now.  It's not that I feel left out because the Fan Girls have welcomed me and my 2 good friends have encouraged me to be a fan girl but it's more like I myself feel like I don't deserve to be a fan because I haven't been through a lot with the journey of Super Junior.  I don't know if I'm even making any sense but that's just how I feel.  I really do hope I see them in concert before Jeong Su leaves for the military...